Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let's paint friendship bongs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
