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dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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