Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
