I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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