Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
