u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
