im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
