Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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