Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
