Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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