herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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