Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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