but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
