my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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