Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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