I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
