He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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