no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
