just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
