It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
