You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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