I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
