Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
