dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
