she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
