so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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