She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
