Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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