We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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