So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
