capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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