Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
