she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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