you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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