Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
