He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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