non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
