Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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