i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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