its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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