I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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