Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
