I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
