Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
