I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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