Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
