Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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