my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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