I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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