so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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