then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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