we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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