can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
