oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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