yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
