Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
