Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
May the power of my ass compel you!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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