Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
