Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and she was petting her beer can
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
