I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
