I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
