I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
