dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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