i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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