Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Drunk is a universal language darling
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